Acknowledging Negative Feelings as a Catalyst for Change.

September 3, 2016

This article is about acknowledging the experience of personal offense to an obstacle, a process, an organization, or something as insignificant as a random comment as a catalyst to change things within your life and to find your perceived path of least resistance. The alternative is behavior that looks like temper tantrum rants in and on public forms which are inappropriate for any progressive change in the scope of correcting any idea that created the original offense.


Talking about a problem with a friend or family member is a very effective way to reach a solution sometimes. However, I fully feel that this does not apply to most disputes of life.  I believe the best and most efficient way to approach the conflict in hopes to come to a resolution is to approach the conflict with a clear minded plan.


First, ask yourself if this foul is a personal or a social/societal offense. If history indeed does repeat itself, then the current day social struggles are as predictable as the ones to come. With that, it is safe to assume every generation has its unique fight for reform and restructure. Luckily I am not talking about political or social issues in this case. However, the relevance of identifying the particular category is vital. The difference stands at the fork in the road of conflict resolution. In the political sense, there are specific steps that must be made, papers which need be filed, phone calls, etc. However, In the personal quest for fulfillment of life with the least amount of resistance to both your physical and mental well-being, I suggest the following:


The particular issues I am referencing are ideas of personal struggle within the pursuit of your life experience. In the occurrence of a personal struggle with a process or person, I suggest an objective review of one's actions and processes (response techniques).


The idea I would like to First present is that the notion of control is as wasted of an emotional value as things like envy, intimidation, and hate. I see it as a wasted emotion mostly because the familiar universal concept between the ideas is a boundary. In this case, a boundary creates a gap between perceived success and one’s current position. In my understanding, control is simply the resulting interplay of one’s preferences against available options. With that said, the idea is to cherish the luxury of choice but banish emotional toxicity the idea of control brings to the privilege and process of choice. So, confront any controlling ways with the idea that variable change will happen. Know that nothing is under constant control. Have a plan and plan for change. Of course, the dynamic varies (naturally).


The idea of an objective review of One's responses may be difficult to some but is probably one of the most effective ways to create momentum in favor of whatever your personal purpose at the time may be. Without judgment, observe the full spectrum of the situation. The goal of the process is to try and look at the situation from the third person perspective. Not in the purpose of scrutiny but in the purpose of analyzing personal situations without the presence and influence of emotional bias (much like a courtroom judge). Emotional bias is strong in controlling behavior to an extreme impact both positively and negatively.


Have the courage to acknowledge any and all habits of reaction to offense one observes as counterproductive. If you have particularly tough skin, ask a friend or a family member you look up to (one with trustworthy insight) for feedback about your habits. Know that most habits are not a reflection of value but more so a product of environment, necessity and a dash of self-identity. Know also that as a person grows, so does one's habits. The fact that you are even reading and taking any of these words into consideration indicates your potential for growth  (*High 5*).


Clearly, create a plan based on the specific factors of the situation. Maintain that same objectivity and proceed forward to observing your particular circumstances. Look for alternate plans of action and approach each alternative plan inquisitively. Ask the questions you dare not ask, seek the answers that many may not necessarily approve. Again, not for the sake of shock value but in the quest for real and unbiased answers to help establish one's alternate plan of action ( alternate from the original predicament one found offensive). There are indeed many ways to skin a cat. Select the one that best suits your situation and be okay with the idea that sometimes your chosen method may not be in line with the ones around you.


Follow through and stay true to your preferred method of approach. If you're anything like myself, then there are a million fragments of related and unrelated thought processes running through your brain at any given time. This factor makes it hard to remember my chosen plan of action sometimes. It feels like walking into a room and forgetting why you are even there in the first place. ( Why did I come in here? What was I looking for?) It's normal. Plan for the occasional lapse in memory. Take note of the chosen plan of action. Write it down, record it, make a video, whatever you see fit. Mark deadlines on a calendar if you must. There will be times of trials and tribulations which will cause you to question the plan of action. Know that at times there may be a variable change in factors that will derail your original plan to the extreme of having to evaluate specific factors of your project. However, fight discouragement to the death. Fight discouragement as if it will cause you precious life time that you can never regain because that's the exact truth of the case.


As one strengthens this approach to negative feelings, one will begin to realize just how much customization potential the experience of life truly has. If the beauty of art lies in interpretation, then the pinnacle of the life experience exists in the ability to adjust, change, and personalize one’s path at any given moment based on any new and unbiased information. 


Dare to customize your life experience. Think outside the box. Ask who made the box. 

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